i'm a guy of pride once i set my mind onto something i've got to accomplish it last year i had my mind on one thing i had one goal and i was achieving the pro card um being able to compete as a knife baby pro bodybuilder so i went my first show plays well in my group stage and then when i got into the overall just missed out i was a bit i was just shocked like i didn't know what to do i just constantly kept on hearing voices in my head you know just telling me look you've set your mind you've set your goal onto this you need to do it you need to achieve it you need to accomplish it by the end of the year so from doing one shot initially planning on doing one show at the start of the year and then went on to too short and then a free show and then fourth show by the end of the year i ended up doing seven show and it still didn't you know accomplish a goal i had set in mind i was just looking back and just thinking everything that i did throughout the entire year the whole prepping you know all the sacrifices that i've made was all gone to waste at that point i just completely lost it um i just mentally broke down you know i got literally got the point where i just didn't want to speak to anyone didn't leave the house didn't want to do anything um even going to work my mind just wasn't on it you know i just felt like i was just getting dragged just to go through the day i then spoke my coach and it was like look this is that you know this is this is just part of the journey um you're gonna fall and it's just all about how how you know how how hard you come back and how you get up you know you can't just keep kicking yourself because of one failure you know um so then when i heard when i heard him say that i was like you know what i was made for this um and i just need to keep my head in the game you know um ever since then you know i'd go in the gym and just think of progress because yes you might fail but it's part of the process as a competitor you just you've got to be on your a game at all time you know there's a lot of pressure from the judges from the spectators you don't want to go on stage looking average so there's always a pressure of i've got to bring my a-game every single time you can't let yourself go even during the off-season you've got to be in shape because the minute you let yourself go the minute you let your goals down and start getting comfortable you will start getting judged if i'm starting to let myself go or i've been an injury and i feel like i'm going downhill you know i flick through you know i flick back through my photos and and just say myself look once it's lower this is you know this is what i need to be back at you know so that's mainly what i use is motivation i get on social media i got a lot of people saying oh do you take this do you take this or you're you're on steroids or you're on this or that's or not but the only thing that matters is what you know personally like you don't even care what anyone else says if you as long as you know the truth and that's that's all that matters you don't need to reassure anyone you know as long as you know um the truth about yourself and that's all that matters you know because at the end of the day only one person knows the truth and that's you so last year um like i said one of my shows was abroad and i actually traveled to denmark to compete and when i got there there was literally i was the only i was the only i was only black guy then i was thinking like i just felt i was just the odd one out um so i was a bit anxious nervous i was like oh you know will i get judged differently because of who i am or what not but i just have to reinsure myself and just think i'm only there for one reason and that's just to compete and you know whatever outcome that i get you know it is what it is um and just kind of like just got on with it i feel like obviously now it has changed um you know peop there isn't lack of um represent representation and for like obviously for any black athletes and you know the minute you step on stage you will get you know outsiders applauding you you know cheering you up that's real good a lot of men you know just like to be tough you know and that could literally be going through the worst time ever but i'll just pretend everything's all fine like you know they'd be smiling but deep inside you know they're in pain um and i feel like it's just it's just something that a lot of people need to need to improve on like knowing when to be to to be open you know and it doesn't have to be to everyone but it can just be someone that you really trust you know whether that's a relative or your partner you know you've got to speak to someone you know you can't just keep holding everything inside because it'll get to the point where it just explodes it's really important to talk to be to be more open about mental health um like i said previously it doesn't it does not have to be to everyone you don't need to be open about anything to a stranger that you meet in the street you know but feel free to op to be open to someone that you you trust someone that you're close to someone that you can relate to because going for a struggle but then keeping a struggle inside or just having the fear going for a fear of not telling anyone can just destroy you from inside even performing like anything throughout the day going to work trying to try to do a day-to-day thing in life you know could massively affect you you know um so it's really important to get you know to be open about it to get it out of your mind to get it to get it off your chest so that someone else knows about it and you know that you're not you're not battling it um on your own and you've got help of someone else that you can really trust we are stronger together we are my protein you
